Friday, July 25, 2003
The South Bronx
Today I learned that I live in the South Bronx. The name "South Bronx" tends to conjure up mental images of decrepit buildings and streets where a person wouldn't want to walk, even during the day. In some respects this describes my neighborhood, but in other respects, my neighborhood is great. Granted, I don't like to be out after dark, but that's simply because of the stigma that the Bronx carries. I don't like to be anywhere in the Bronx after dark, and I probably wouldn't venture out after dark much even if someone showed me statistics that showed my neighborhood was safer than my old neighborhood on 34th streeet. But my anti-social behavior is not the point. When I was watching the news this evening, I saw a segment that discussed a movement to change the name "South Bronx" to "Downtown Bronx." The desired effect is that people will stop associating the South Bronx with crime, drugs, and poverty and instead will picture something reminiscent of the Village, or maybe Macy's. It's a nice thought, but it's not going to happen. Calling the South Bronx "Downtown Bronx" not only sounds stupid, but it also isn't going to change anything. For that area to change, the community needs to facilitate change. People need to be educated. Education should be seen as a requirement. We need to take pride in our neighborhoods and make them cleaner and safer. We also need to start having respect for one another, not commit crimes against each ohter. One appalling statistic I read said that 1/3 of families that live in the South Bronx make less than $10,000 a year. That needs to change. Nobody can live in New York City on $10,000 a year, let alone a family. I know I sound idealistic and probably a bit hypocritical. Right now I live here because I have to, but I know that in a year, I will be gone. I know that my part of the Bronx is not nearly as poverty-stricken as many of the other parts. And I know that my simplistic solutions are easy for me to say because I haven't experienced the type of life that many of my neighbors experience. Despite that, however, I still believe that we can make the Bronx someplace that people can be proud to come from, and not just proud because they've survived it.
Today I learned that I live in the South Bronx. The name "South Bronx" tends to conjure up mental images of decrepit buildings and streets where a person wouldn't want to walk, even during the day. In some respects this describes my neighborhood, but in other respects, my neighborhood is great. Granted, I don't like to be out after dark, but that's simply because of the stigma that the Bronx carries. I don't like to be anywhere in the Bronx after dark, and I probably wouldn't venture out after dark much even if someone showed me statistics that showed my neighborhood was safer than my old neighborhood on 34th streeet. But my anti-social behavior is not the point. When I was watching the news this evening, I saw a segment that discussed a movement to change the name "South Bronx" to "Downtown Bronx." The desired effect is that people will stop associating the South Bronx with crime, drugs, and poverty and instead will picture something reminiscent of the Village, or maybe Macy's. It's a nice thought, but it's not going to happen. Calling the South Bronx "Downtown Bronx" not only sounds stupid, but it also isn't going to change anything. For that area to change, the community needs to facilitate change. People need to be educated. Education should be seen as a requirement. We need to take pride in our neighborhoods and make them cleaner and safer. We also need to start having respect for one another, not commit crimes against each ohter. One appalling statistic I read said that 1/3 of families that live in the South Bronx make less than $10,000 a year. That needs to change. Nobody can live in New York City on $10,000 a year, let alone a family. I know I sound idealistic and probably a bit hypocritical. Right now I live here because I have to, but I know that in a year, I will be gone. I know that my part of the Bronx is not nearly as poverty-stricken as many of the other parts. And I know that my simplistic solutions are easy for me to say because I haven't experienced the type of life that many of my neighbors experience. Despite that, however, I still believe that we can make the Bronx someplace that people can be proud to come from, and not just proud because they've survived it.
Monday, July 21, 2003
What I Learned at School Today
Disclaimer: This is just my interpretation of what we talked about in class. I could be really off, and as far as the summarization of how Mark was written and the stuff about the crucifixion, I'm just presenting what we learned in class. Whether it's true or not, I don't know. I wasn't there.
In today's class we discussed the Gospel According to Mark. I'd always been somewhat indifferent to Mark. I might still be indifferent to his version of the life of Christ; I'm not really sure. But today's class definitely made me think and definitely challenged me. First of all, my professor painted a really depressing picture of Mark's view of God and how Mark believed Jesus viewed God. According to my professor (if I'm interpreting what he said properly), Jesus had to get to the point where he no longer believed in a God who would always rescue him, help him out, etc. This happened first in the garden and second when Christ was on the cross. I'm not a Biblical scholar, but I don't completely agree with this picture of God. I can't reconcile a God who would deliberately and without apparent reason completely abandon us. I believe that God won't always help us out in the ways we want him to, but he knows his reasons better than we do, and honestly, I'd rather trust his judgement. But that's just a tangent. What made me perk up in class today was my professor's sidenote about...TATTOOS! Woo-hoo! He talked specifically about cross tattoos. This is of interest to me because I have a cross tattoo on my foot. We discussed tattooing in the context of Mark 8:34 which says "He called the crowd with his disciples and said to them, If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." (NRSV). If we assume that Mark was put together around 73 AD and that the writer of Mark didn't really have contact with the historical Jesus, then we have to think abou the context in which it was written. Basically, Christians were getting their asses kicked by the Roman empire. Things were pretty bleak. One of the points that Mark wanted to convey to his audience was the importance of letting go; that what Rome was doing wasn't important. Letting go of oneself, one's desires, expectations, etc, which is where the "take up your cross" bit comes in. Taking up your cross did not mean carrying a heavy wooden beam that you'd soon be nailed to, simply because people who were crucified did not carry their own crosses. Wood was scarce in Judea at the time, so crosses which were used for executions were often reused. My professor said that there has been some opinion that when Mark mentions taking up a cross, he is referring to an early Christian practice of tattooing the Greek letter Tau on their forearms. Apparently some of the crosses on which people were crucified looked more like the Greek Tau than our t. As Christians, people were already marked in a sense. By putting the tattoos on their forearms, people were more publically marked, and in a sense were saying that they were willing to let go of themselves and follow Christ, even if following meant that they would suffer the same execution as he did. Also, one website I consulted said that it wasn't just cross tattoos; some people tattooed fish on their forearms.
So that's what I learned in class today. I have just Googled for information about this practice and haven't come up with much, but here are a few links of differing perspectives.
Someone who thinks I'm headed straight to hell
I couldn't find this person's sources, but it gives and interesting history
Honestly, if this guy was my dad, I'd probably go out and get the tattoo. I'm sure he's a fantastic parent and obviously loves his son, but it wouldn't have worked on me.
Some facts about the crucifixion-I've only just skimmed this page though.
I'll try to write more soon. For now, I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams!
Disclaimer: This is just my interpretation of what we talked about in class. I could be really off, and as far as the summarization of how Mark was written and the stuff about the crucifixion, I'm just presenting what we learned in class. Whether it's true or not, I don't know. I wasn't there.
In today's class we discussed the Gospel According to Mark. I'd always been somewhat indifferent to Mark. I might still be indifferent to his version of the life of Christ; I'm not really sure. But today's class definitely made me think and definitely challenged me. First of all, my professor painted a really depressing picture of Mark's view of God and how Mark believed Jesus viewed God. According to my professor (if I'm interpreting what he said properly), Jesus had to get to the point where he no longer believed in a God who would always rescue him, help him out, etc. This happened first in the garden and second when Christ was on the cross. I'm not a Biblical scholar, but I don't completely agree with this picture of God. I can't reconcile a God who would deliberately and without apparent reason completely abandon us. I believe that God won't always help us out in the ways we want him to, but he knows his reasons better than we do, and honestly, I'd rather trust his judgement. But that's just a tangent. What made me perk up in class today was my professor's sidenote about...TATTOOS! Woo-hoo! He talked specifically about cross tattoos. This is of interest to me because I have a cross tattoo on my foot. We discussed tattooing in the context of Mark 8:34 which says "He called the crowd with his disciples and said to them, If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." (NRSV). If we assume that Mark was put together around 73 AD and that the writer of Mark didn't really have contact with the historical Jesus, then we have to think abou the context in which it was written. Basically, Christians were getting their asses kicked by the Roman empire. Things were pretty bleak. One of the points that Mark wanted to convey to his audience was the importance of letting go; that what Rome was doing wasn't important. Letting go of oneself, one's desires, expectations, etc, which is where the "take up your cross" bit comes in. Taking up your cross did not mean carrying a heavy wooden beam that you'd soon be nailed to, simply because people who were crucified did not carry their own crosses. Wood was scarce in Judea at the time, so crosses which were used for executions were often reused. My professor said that there has been some opinion that when Mark mentions taking up a cross, he is referring to an early Christian practice of tattooing the Greek letter Tau on their forearms. Apparently some of the crosses on which people were crucified looked more like the Greek Tau than our t. As Christians, people were already marked in a sense. By putting the tattoos on their forearms, people were more publically marked, and in a sense were saying that they were willing to let go of themselves and follow Christ, even if following meant that they would suffer the same execution as he did. Also, one website I consulted said that it wasn't just cross tattoos; some people tattooed fish on their forearms.
So that's what I learned in class today. I have just Googled for information about this practice and haven't come up with much, but here are a few links of differing perspectives.
Someone who thinks I'm headed straight to hell
I couldn't find this person's sources, but it gives and interesting history
Honestly, if this guy was my dad, I'd probably go out and get the tattoo. I'm sure he's a fantastic parent and obviously loves his son, but it wouldn't have worked on me.
Some facts about the crucifixion-I've only just skimmed this page though.
I'll try to write more soon. For now, I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams!
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Gracie from the Block
I was recently in Italy, and I sent some emails home to certain people saying that Rome reminded me of the Bronx. That wasn't exactly complimentary, and I usually clarified that statement by saying that I could see trash on the street for free at home, and why did I come 4,000 miles just for that. I thought of Rome and Napoli today when I was walking to get Chinese food. See, I moved to the Bronx in January and hated it. I hated it so much that I couldn't even make fun of my situation at first, and I can generally find something to make fun of in most situations. Being in Europe, however, made me apprecaite some of the aspects of where I live. I love that even though it's the Bronx, people feel safe enough to put lawn chairs on the sidewalk and let thier kids run around. I love that if a bunch of kids don't have a basketball net, they will use a milk crate, and I love that even though I live in the Projects (I'm not kidding) people in the elevator (which always has some sort of strange smell, by the way) always say "good morning" or "hello" or "have a nice day" even though they don't know you.
What bothers me about the Bronx, however, is that while there is so much potential for beauty and peace here, nobody seems to care. For the last three weeks, I have passed a Q-Tip in the hallway on my way to the elevator. More often than not I find cigarette butts in the elevator, and when I step outside, I run into a maze of broken glass, dog shit, and garbage that people have just left there. Yes, there's a lot of poverty here, and people have had hard lives. But why make it worse by turning the neighborhood into this colossal garbage dump?
I was recently in Italy, and I sent some emails home to certain people saying that Rome reminded me of the Bronx. That wasn't exactly complimentary, and I usually clarified that statement by saying that I could see trash on the street for free at home, and why did I come 4,000 miles just for that. I thought of Rome and Napoli today when I was walking to get Chinese food. See, I moved to the Bronx in January and hated it. I hated it so much that I couldn't even make fun of my situation at first, and I can generally find something to make fun of in most situations. Being in Europe, however, made me apprecaite some of the aspects of where I live. I love that even though it's the Bronx, people feel safe enough to put lawn chairs on the sidewalk and let thier kids run around. I love that if a bunch of kids don't have a basketball net, they will use a milk crate, and I love that even though I live in the Projects (I'm not kidding) people in the elevator (which always has some sort of strange smell, by the way) always say "good morning" or "hello" or "have a nice day" even though they don't know you.
What bothers me about the Bronx, however, is that while there is so much potential for beauty and peace here, nobody seems to care. For the last three weeks, I have passed a Q-Tip in the hallway on my way to the elevator. More often than not I find cigarette butts in the elevator, and when I step outside, I run into a maze of broken glass, dog shit, and garbage that people have just left there. Yes, there's a lot of poverty here, and people have had hard lives. But why make it worse by turning the neighborhood into this colossal garbage dump?
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
I feel like I should have something a little more substantial than just a bit of an explanation of why I am posting on here, so I'm putting up an assignment from my last class. We had to write up our theological worldview in relation to God, faith, grace, sin, etc. It still needs work, but I'm too tired to edit it right now. By the way, I got my grade for this class today, and honestly, I'm f'n pissed. I got a B+, which means that I must have BOMBED the final presentation, because on the 3 papers that she actually put grades on (out of the 6 papers total), I got two A-, and one A. I no longer like this professor. The stuff at the end talks about working with youth, because the class was a class about adolescents, and since apparently I am a youth ministry major, I was forced to take this class. So here's the paper...
I could say that my basic theological beliefs can be summed up easily by the Apostles or Nicene Creed, and I would not be lying. The creeds form a statement of the basic, common beliefs held by most Christians. My personal approach to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, as well as to other issues such as sin, grace, and the Church tend to be a little more complex.
My beliefs are more complex than the statements of the creeds appear because of how I came to Christianity and Roman Catholicism. I have always had a love-hate relationship with Christianity in general, and especially the Roman Catholic Church. My mother likes to tell as story about how at one year old, when I was at church with my grandparents, I walked up to a woman I didn’t know and said, “I don’t go to church because my mommy doesn’t believe in God.” My grandmother was mortified, and honestly, I think that statement is a little complex for someone who wasn’t even two years old, but that’s how my mother tells it. I was at church with my grandparents because my mother refused to raise her children Catholic. She says that she wanted to spare us the guilt that she got growing up Catholic. I wonder if maybe the guilt is hereditary because I definitely have it. Growing up, I had few positive experiences with the Catholic Church, but as I got older, I kept being drawn to the Church, mostly to worry my mother. My high school friends were not Catholic, but they were Christians and worked very hard to ensure that I would one day be a Christian as well. I read apologetics, attended a Presbyterian church, and questioned my friends for a year and a half before deciding to commit myself to a relationship with God through Christ and the Holy Spirit. A year and a half after that, I started reading about the Catholic faith, on and off for a year and a half, when I started reading everything I could about the Church. Throughout this time, I had been involved in Campus Crusade for Christ, on and off, and was cynical due to much of what I experienced there. I made a decision to join RCIA almost a year before I was actually able to. My decision to join the Church was both an intellectual decision and an emotional one, a decision that I knew I had to make, but which hurt me deeply.
So now I’m Catholic, and have been Catholic for about ten weeks or so. My love-hate relationship with the Church still exists. I miss the praise and worship and Bible studies that I had as an evangelical Protestant. Because my decision to become Catholic is somewhat tied up with someone who hurt me deeply, going to Mass still hurts, and receiving the Eucharist, something I wanted so badly as a Protestant, makes me ache for more healing, and the fellowship and community that I was sometimes able to find as a Protestant. But I love the liturgy, the tradition, and the beauty of so many Catholic Churches. Intellectually, I feel like I can’t be anything but a Catholic. I like that we aren’t afraid to use art when we worship and that worship isn’t necessarily contained to praise/rock songs. I wish I could find a Catholic community that blended the aspects of the Catholic Church that I love and intellectually can’t deny with the zeal for Christ and spreading His Kingdom that I experienced in college. I’m sure I will find it one day.
I know the Lord is working in my life and has been working even before I recognized that I wanted Him in it. Through people and experiences, He has continually taught me and revealed Himself to me. I believe that the Lord is faithful, even when I am not. I believe that He loves me no matter what I do, but that His boundless love is not an excuse for me to sin, which I do a great deal.
I sin consciously. Sometimes I sin and I enjoy it. Sometimes I am not sorry that I have sinned. Recognizing that attitude in myself, however, is what God uses to lead me to repentance. While sometimes I am not sorry for what I have done or left undone, I am sorry that my attitudes lead me to actions that are not pleasing to Him and do nothing to lead people to a relationship with Him. In other people, I am very quick to judge sin. Intellectually, I recognize that my being judgmental is just as bad as a friend living with her boyfriend before marriage. This recognition makes me want to be one of those people who graciously and uncritically accept and love people as Christ has graciously and uncritically accepted and loved me. God doesn’t offer us grace because He has to. He does it because He wants to, because He loves us. His saving grace is our only hope, not only for salvation, but for peace, justice, healing, and redemption.
We all need His peace, justice, healing, and redemption, but adolescents especially need assurance of it. While so many of their relationships are transient and uncertain in this time in their lives, they need to know that they can make a choice (and know that it is their choice) to have a relationship that is stable and constant. Everyone’s relationship with God changes, goes through periods of growth and drought, but it is still there. He is always there, always listening, always loving us, even when we think He isn’t. Even when I have screwed up beyond the point of fixing human relationships, if I ask, God will always want to repair my relationship with Him.
Relationships are the basis of any work with youth. They need unconditional relationships, and in working with them, I hope that I will be able to point them towards a relationship with a God who loves them unconditionally. I hope that I will respect them enough to answer them honestly when they ask me questions about sin and salvation. I owe that to them, to my Church, and to a God who loves us so much when we can do so little for Him in return.
I could say that my basic theological beliefs can be summed up easily by the Apostles or Nicene Creed, and I would not be lying. The creeds form a statement of the basic, common beliefs held by most Christians. My personal approach to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, as well as to other issues such as sin, grace, and the Church tend to be a little more complex.
My beliefs are more complex than the statements of the creeds appear because of how I came to Christianity and Roman Catholicism. I have always had a love-hate relationship with Christianity in general, and especially the Roman Catholic Church. My mother likes to tell as story about how at one year old, when I was at church with my grandparents, I walked up to a woman I didn’t know and said, “I don’t go to church because my mommy doesn’t believe in God.” My grandmother was mortified, and honestly, I think that statement is a little complex for someone who wasn’t even two years old, but that’s how my mother tells it. I was at church with my grandparents because my mother refused to raise her children Catholic. She says that she wanted to spare us the guilt that she got growing up Catholic. I wonder if maybe the guilt is hereditary because I definitely have it. Growing up, I had few positive experiences with the Catholic Church, but as I got older, I kept being drawn to the Church, mostly to worry my mother. My high school friends were not Catholic, but they were Christians and worked very hard to ensure that I would one day be a Christian as well. I read apologetics, attended a Presbyterian church, and questioned my friends for a year and a half before deciding to commit myself to a relationship with God through Christ and the Holy Spirit. A year and a half after that, I started reading about the Catholic faith, on and off for a year and a half, when I started reading everything I could about the Church. Throughout this time, I had been involved in Campus Crusade for Christ, on and off, and was cynical due to much of what I experienced there. I made a decision to join RCIA almost a year before I was actually able to. My decision to join the Church was both an intellectual decision and an emotional one, a decision that I knew I had to make, but which hurt me deeply.
So now I’m Catholic, and have been Catholic for about ten weeks or so. My love-hate relationship with the Church still exists. I miss the praise and worship and Bible studies that I had as an evangelical Protestant. Because my decision to become Catholic is somewhat tied up with someone who hurt me deeply, going to Mass still hurts, and receiving the Eucharist, something I wanted so badly as a Protestant, makes me ache for more healing, and the fellowship and community that I was sometimes able to find as a Protestant. But I love the liturgy, the tradition, and the beauty of so many Catholic Churches. Intellectually, I feel like I can’t be anything but a Catholic. I like that we aren’t afraid to use art when we worship and that worship isn’t necessarily contained to praise/rock songs. I wish I could find a Catholic community that blended the aspects of the Catholic Church that I love and intellectually can’t deny with the zeal for Christ and spreading His Kingdom that I experienced in college. I’m sure I will find it one day.
I know the Lord is working in my life and has been working even before I recognized that I wanted Him in it. Through people and experiences, He has continually taught me and revealed Himself to me. I believe that the Lord is faithful, even when I am not. I believe that He loves me no matter what I do, but that His boundless love is not an excuse for me to sin, which I do a great deal.
I sin consciously. Sometimes I sin and I enjoy it. Sometimes I am not sorry that I have sinned. Recognizing that attitude in myself, however, is what God uses to lead me to repentance. While sometimes I am not sorry for what I have done or left undone, I am sorry that my attitudes lead me to actions that are not pleasing to Him and do nothing to lead people to a relationship with Him. In other people, I am very quick to judge sin. Intellectually, I recognize that my being judgmental is just as bad as a friend living with her boyfriend before marriage. This recognition makes me want to be one of those people who graciously and uncritically accept and love people as Christ has graciously and uncritically accepted and loved me. God doesn’t offer us grace because He has to. He does it because He wants to, because He loves us. His saving grace is our only hope, not only for salvation, but for peace, justice, healing, and redemption.
We all need His peace, justice, healing, and redemption, but adolescents especially need assurance of it. While so many of their relationships are transient and uncertain in this time in their lives, they need to know that they can make a choice (and know that it is their choice) to have a relationship that is stable and constant. Everyone’s relationship with God changes, goes through periods of growth and drought, but it is still there. He is always there, always listening, always loving us, even when we think He isn’t. Even when I have screwed up beyond the point of fixing human relationships, if I ask, God will always want to repair my relationship with Him.
Relationships are the basis of any work with youth. They need unconditional relationships, and in working with them, I hope that I will be able to point them towards a relationship with a God who loves them unconditionally. I hope that I will respect them enough to answer them honestly when they ask me questions about sin and salvation. I owe that to them, to my Church, and to a God who loves us so much when we can do so little for Him in return.
Jumping on the bandwagon
After having kara come visit this weekend and show me her blog, I figured I'd be a bit of a copycat and do my own. In case you're wondering (you being that void that is the Internet and anyone who might happen to stumble across my attempts at a. being a writer, and 2. possibly teaching myself a bit of HTML), the title, "Fifteen Minutes of Faith" comes from a song by Caedmon's Call, "Shifting Sand." The song is basically about (in my interpretation) how complicated we make faith, or how hard it is, in this world, to even have faith (to read the caedmonscall.net explanation, go here. At one point, Danielle Young sings "but you know I've seen so much, I explain it away." The question for me, and what I think the song could be getting at, is how is it that I am continually able to explain away what (to put it in a Crusadish term) God has done for me or how God has manifested Himself in my life. If I can't explain it, I ignore it, become complacent and lazy in my faith, and then wonder why I feel that something in my life is lacking. Then I realize what I'm doing wrong and vow to change my life, have Quiet Times (can anyone think of a non-cheesy replacement for Quiet Time?) every morning, not criticize everything the priest says at Mass (assmuing I go at all), etc. This newfound attitude lasts for approximately 3 minutes, when I decide to do something utterly unproductive, like go to bed. And I guess the point of the song is that despite all of this grace is what sustains us. Grace will sustain us through our doubts, laziness, and blindness, and hopefully, that grace will make us aware of the miracles God shows us every day.
I don't know. I'm not a theologian or anything. I'm just writing what I think and what makes sense to me.
After having kara come visit this weekend and show me her blog, I figured I'd be a bit of a copycat and do my own. In case you're wondering (you being that void that is the Internet and anyone who might happen to stumble across my attempts at a. being a writer, and 2. possibly teaching myself a bit of HTML), the title, "Fifteen Minutes of Faith" comes from a song by Caedmon's Call, "Shifting Sand." The song is basically about (in my interpretation) how complicated we make faith, or how hard it is, in this world, to even have faith (to read the caedmonscall.net explanation, go here. At one point, Danielle Young sings "but you know I've seen so much, I explain it away." The question for me, and what I think the song could be getting at, is how is it that I am continually able to explain away what (to put it in a Crusadish term) God has done for me or how God has manifested Himself in my life. If I can't explain it, I ignore it, become complacent and lazy in my faith, and then wonder why I feel that something in my life is lacking. Then I realize what I'm doing wrong and vow to change my life, have Quiet Times (can anyone think of a non-cheesy replacement for Quiet Time?) every morning, not criticize everything the priest says at Mass (assmuing I go at all), etc. This newfound attitude lasts for approximately 3 minutes, when I decide to do something utterly unproductive, like go to bed. And I guess the point of the song is that despite all of this grace is what sustains us. Grace will sustain us through our doubts, laziness, and blindness, and hopefully, that grace will make us aware of the miracles God shows us every day.
I don't know. I'm not a theologian or anything. I'm just writing what I think and what makes sense to me.
